I don’t usually like to write about Celebrity gossip but this has a film tie-in.  (I may be stretching.)

So former The Hills reality television star and professional Blonde, Heidi Montag is about to make that big crossover to serious film she’s been wanting to do for some time now.  Too bad for her it’s a different kind of ‘serious’ film.

In case you’re wondering what Heidi looks like these days seeing as she’s had double digit plastic surgeries we think she still looks relatively like the Barbie on the right.

Hey, at least she doesn't need her wing-ies in the pool anymore.

And who’s to thank for her upcoming crossover fame?  Her estranged husband, Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. (Spencer Pratt)

Beards: They're just not as manly bleached.

According to sources over the weekend, Spencer is in talks with Vivid Entertainment to sell not just one, not just two, but a LIBRARY of sex tapes he’s made with his wife, the first one being a compilation for around $5 million dollars.

Among other things Spencer claims it’s “The Citizen Kane of Sex Tapes.”


You might also be interested to hear that it’s not just Spencer and Heidi…it’s also Heidi and former Playboy playmate Karissa Shannon!  Wowsers!

If you can’t wait to get a glimpse of Heidi’s acting chops look no further than here where she auditions for the lead role in Transformers 3!

Question: How many guns did Megan Fox fire in Transformers 1 and 2?

Answer:  ZERO.

Apparently Heidi is pretty broken up about the whole thing and as such asked all her Twitter followers to send her prayers and happy thoughts.  Here’s some unsolicited advice:

Heidi:  When times get tough DON’T BE AN IDIOT.  No one on Twitter can help you.  You should probably go hang with your family and maybe repair that relationship you busted with your mom when you had 10 surgeries done at once and decided to marry a total asshole.

Spencer:  You claim to be Christian right?  Well, have fun in Hell.  Get out of the spotlight and STOP DYEING YOUR BEARD WHITER THAN SANTA CLAUSE!

There’s a lesson to be learned from this.  Every marriage has it’s…Hills AND it’s Valleys.

Ladies and Gentleman, the shifty eyes of a bad, bad man.