I was in the theater recently attending a good movie when all of the sudden mine eyes were cursed with having to watch a trailer for the next Step Up movie…this time in 3D.  Now the first thing that struck me was:  How in the hell did they convince enough people to see the first Step Up movie to necessitate two sequels and second, why in the hell would anyone care about seeing this in 3D?

I wish this was a joke but it's not. I'm simultaneously speechless and disgusted knowing this thing is probably going to net a profit.

So what is the driving force behind this MASSIVE resurgence of the 3D format?  If you guessed money you would be a smart cookie.  There is an average $4 price increase on 3D tickets over their 2D counterparts.  This equates to bigger box-office totals and more cash to fund Saw sequels.  Speaking of Saw sequels, guess what’s coming out this fall???

Eye think I'll be skipping this one.

Are you excited yet?  All the big hits are starting to come out in 3D.  However, not all 3D is created equal.  Some movies like this years Clash of the Titans and The Last Airbender were converted to 3D while movies like Avatar and Toy Story 3 were created that way to begin with.  Make sure before you go see a film to check weather or not it was filmed originally in 3D or if it has been converted.  (FYI most are converted in post-production and you can tell because not all the layers are 3D and it looks way crappier.)

A 1978 Cult B-Movie becomes a 2010 feast of terrible. If this movie succeeds I'll...EAT...my words.

Here’s a look at a few other 3D “Gems” Hollywood has in store of us the rest of this year.

1.  Resident Evil:  Afterlife (September 10th, 2010)

"How am I still young enough to be in these movies?" thought Milla Jovovich to herself. "Aren't all the pimply fanboys into World of Warcraft or Starcraft or some nonsense?"

2.  Alpha and Omega (September 17th, 2010)

No, no he won't.

3.  Legend of the Guardians (September 24th, 2010)

Whoooooooooooo is ready for an Owl City tie-in? Wait a minute...don't Owl's (gulp) eat Fireflies???

Update 9/1/10 I was right!!! I totally called this three weeks ago!

4.  Jackass 3D (October 15th, 2010)

If you're into 3D full frontal male nudity then THIS is the must see movie of 2010. Yes, the floppy dong flys out into the crowd.

5. Megamind (November 5th, 2010)

Why do they have the EXACT same eyebrow furrow?

6.  Tangled (November 12th, 2010)

I'm not quite sure how you can make a 90 minute movie about climbing up a tower and saving the hairiest girl in the world but...here it is.

7.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:  Pt. 1 (November 19th, 2010)

Walletis Lightenus!!! Get ready to shell out some cash for HP7 3D. At $15/pop and broken into two parts it'll cost you $30+ dollars to see the whole thing. Who's ready for wand in the face???

8.  The Chronicles of Narnia:  Voyage of the Dawn Treader (December 10th, 2010)

My Mane Man Aslan reps hard for that 3rd dimension. Make sure to also pick up the soundtrack by Coolio featuring "Fantastic Voyage."

9.  Yogi Bear (December 17th, 2010)

I have not read or heard ANYTHING about this movie and am 99% sure it will be a commercial failure. Anyone want to make a bet?

10.  Tron Legacy (December 17th, 2010)

Tron 2: Because the first one was so...awesome?

Looking at all the “exciting” 3D films in store for the rest of the year I want to make a little prediction.  The only way 3D is going to catch on for good, not be so gimmicky and become more commercially viable is if the porn industry embraces it.  I’m NOT kidding.  Do a little research and you’ll discover that porn was to thank for the success of VHS as well as is credited with making the internet commercially viable.  Guys want to look at naked girls and if they can do that from the comfort of their home in 3D then 3D will be a STAPLE of the future.  Mark my words.  10 years from now 3D porn, television, etc. will be the norm but only if the skin industry embraces it first.

In the meantime you’ll have to placate yourself by watching the latest Saw movie I talked about earlier.  I’m sure you all can’t wait!

Coming soon to a theater near you...the woodworking film of the year: Saw 3D!!!

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