Ok, so I may be a day or two behind on this but apparently websites are reporting that Casey Affleck is being sued for sexual harassment by a one Miss Amanda White.

"Stick with me little bro," said Ben earnestly "I just wrapped production on a surefire hit! It's called Gigli, I mean Reindeer Games, I mean Jersey Girl, I mean Surviving Christmas, yeah that's it...It'll be a BIG HIT..."

In case you don’t follow Affleck’s every move, you’ll be excited to know that he’s been following his brother-in-law Joaquin Phoenix around with a camera the past year making a documentary/mockumentary about Joaquin’s retirement from acting and attempt to start a rap career.  This movie is called I’m Still Here:  The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix.  (Note:  This is 99% sure to be a mockumentary.)  He’s even managed by Diddy!!!

Sweaty bearded awkwardness has a name, and that name is Joaquin Phoenix.

Also for those of you that don’t know Casey Affleck is married to Joaquin’s sister Summer.  Strange that Casey would cheat on his wife right in front of her brother.

"I wonder how soon I can get the old bag to bed so I can go hump some of these star chasers at the afterparties..." Casey thought almost cracking a smile. "Maintain," he said to himself. "Must maintain a look of total lack of interest in my wife."

I think this story goes deeper however.  It’s not just about how he was accused of trying to get Amanda White to sleep in his hotel room, or the massive party he threw in Vegas with Joaquin in which dozens of strippers and transvestites were hired and Casey had Amanda produce the segment.  I think the deep underlying tale here is:

FACIAL HAIR.

Ladies Beware!!! The Devil Beard is REAL and it's coming for YOU!!!

I have a theory or hypothesis if you will that men who wear facial hair such as this will do one of three things:

1.  Beat you

2. Harass you

3.  Both

I’m not sure if the evil stems from the beard or if the beard is just a side effect of the evil but it’s a clear indicator.  If you want to avoid getting touched, getting punched and getting a fat settlement then avoid these men at all costs!!!

If you want to read the real journalistic take on this breaking story, click here.  “Touched by an Angel:  The Casey Affleck Story”

Wanna see Joaquin perform one of his rap “hits” from the documentary then attack an unsatisfied fan?

Boom.

"Sleep with me or else!!! Oh, and subscribe to this blog too!!!"

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