This movie is quite simply, Despicable.

No, it's not a Pixar movie.

My above statement may have been a little harsh.  I did in fact see this movie immediately prior to The Last Airbender which made it seem comparably better.  I did make a fatal mistake however that I hadn’t made since the Ninja Turtles animated TMNT came out a few years back.  I saw it at an hour before kid’s bedtimes.  BIG MISTAKE.  And I’ll tell you why.

These guys

Paul contemplated the cylindrical mooing can skeptically. "There's not a REAL cow in there is there?"

I’ll talk about the crux of the movie in a minute but let me get this out of the way.  Young children CANNOT resist these Jellybean looking “Minions” who talk in a high pitch warble.  Every time they did anything I was treated to the ‘magic” of shrill childish laughter.  Ahhh, must be music to a mother’s ears.

I’d also like to congratulate whoever invented “The Minions.”  They managed to captivate the hearts and minds of children everywhere while simultaneously putting ZERO effort into their design process.  I’ve broken their creation process down to (4) steps.

Step 1:  Take Yellow Jellybeans

Step 2:  Add Mr. Potatohead Arms and legs

"I was better the first time around in "Toy Story"

Step 3:  Add douche goggles

Kenny from Can't Hardly Wait was quite the trendsetter in 1998 with his Despicable Me DGs!

Step 4:  Cheap Slapstick Humor

Here come the laughs parents!

Ok, so now that we’ve established that the animators really brought their D game to the table let’s talk about the movie.

Despicable Me details the story of Gru, a middle aged evil bachelor who, looking to one up the greatest heist in history (the stealing of the great pyramid) decides to steal THE MOON!!!  The only problem is that his much younger rival “Vector” has stolen the shrink ray he needs to get said moon.  That’s where three cute little girls come in.

Despite the fact that in real life single, creepy old men aren't allowed to adopt three cute little girls simultaneously, we'll just let that one slide and chalk it up to "willing suspension of disbelief."

Gru uses the little girls as a distraction to get his robot chocolate-chip cookies into Vector’s lair and steal the shrink ray.  In the weeks leading up to the moon heist, whadda-ya-know, he grows a heart.

How could this movie have been better?  I really would have liked there to be more of a villain in the movie.  Vector is bad but for most of the movie he treats Gru as a gnat not even worth his time.  As such there’s not really any timeclocks making Gru’s mission more important.  It’s more of an inner struggle through most of the second act and only when Vector steals the girls towards the end are the stakes really raised.

Vector set down his keyboard and gazed admiringly at all the naked women he would never have. "Ahhhh," he thought to himself, "the wonders of the internet."

Later, on Chat Roulette, Vector decided to have some fun with some unsuspecting video chatters!

Long story short is that this movie gets a B.  It was above average but not really “classic” material or anything like that.  I’d probably see the sequel which I’m sure they’ll make, however this time from the comfort of my living room, protected from the high frequency drone of children under 5 laughter.

Bachelor with a heart + single, middle aged women = Love at first sight

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