Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a dangerous man on the loose.  A man you may even have welcomed into your home before.  Let me ask you this.  Have YOU seen the movie Pocahontas?  How about Lethal Weapon?  Braveheart?  Yes, Mel Gibson can and will kill you.

This information comes to us from reliable sources and I would NOT take it with a grain of salt.

"Hey, at least I'm not the movie starring Angelina Jolie!" said Mr. Salt. (Talk about a stupid movie title!)

Here lads and lasses is the proof.  (Caution,  Extreme profanity in all rants and a racial slur in Rant #1 and #3.)

Mel Rant #1  “Your boobs look stuuuuupid, get rid of em, you’re embarassing me…”

Mel Rant #2 “I’ll put you in a f$%^#g rosegarden you _c#*t__, cause I’m capable of it…”

Mel Rant #3 “You don’t count, I OWN you.”

Mel Rant #4 “I demand oral sex before you fall asleep.”

Mel Rant #5 “I spent 5 million dollars on youuuuu!!! I had to gid rid of my Lakers box!!!”

Mel Rant #6 Oksana: “You hit our baby.”  Mel:  “No one will believe you!”

Mel Rant #7 “I’m super jealous of Timothy Dalton!!!  Arrrrrrrgggg!!!”

Mel Sane #1 “I just want to make like Spike Lee and do the right thing.”

Mel Voicemail Rants “F-bomb, f-bomb, f-bomb, f-bomb…”

Well the proof is in the pudding as they say, or in the sneakily obtained audiotapes that you try to extort your husband with if you’re to believe Mel’s reps.  Either way, one thing is for sure.  WE ALL ARE IN DANGER.  Just take a look at the evidence I’ve gathered below that proves Mel is not only a trained assassin but also, a master of disguise.

Exhibit A:

Mel returns to the scene of the crime sporting a bowl cut and monk's habit as coverup. See skull in left side of image? Mel Gibson, ALWAYS gets his man.

Exhibit B:

Mel was able to eek past the wand-waving metal-detectoring guards by smuggling this pistol in his giant 1980's mullet. Mel thinks of EVERYTHING.

Exhibit C:

Mel loves killing, always has!

Exhibit D:

"See my leatha? I'm also into S&M."

Exhibit E:

Mel Gibson addressed the focus group solemnly. "Now let me ask you again, how much did you LOVE Apocalypto?"

Exhibit F:

I was at a local Revolutionary War reenactment and stumbled upon Gibson honing his craft. He was indeed the only man using real bullets.

Exhibit G:

Good thing looks can't kill, because he's capable of it!

Exhibit H:

He can and will MacGuyver a way to turn a bra and some tampons into a bat to smack you up.

I hope this has been a warning to you.  I hope it makes you see that light.  Parents make sure your children are in by sunset and definitely make sure not to smirk in his general direction or you will regret it.  Walk in groups to your cars and stay in well lit areas.  Because we all know…in the shadows, lurks…GIBSON!

Mel Gibson doesn't WANNA go to school!

What a sad, sad man.  If you truly think they should lock this loon up for awhile to think about what he’s done then make sure all your friends know what a nut he is and you damn-well better remove Edge of Darkness from your Netflix cue.

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