As I’m psychic, I’m about to spoil this movie for you…Two days before it comes out!!!  (Correction, it actually came out today!  Whoops.  Oh well, I posted before it opened on the West Coast.  I.e. Still psychic.)

It may look like I'm about to whirl these hands around a crystal ball... Well, here's a prediction: in all're about to get touched...

So I’m not sure if you all know this, but ever since…the accident…I’ve seen things, known things, and felt things, the average human being is not privy too.  A modern day Nostradamus, I’ve predicted the Greek banking crisis, the Lakers NBA tournament victory and yes, even the departure of a one missus Amanda Bynes from the entertainment industry.  (Selena Gomez, YOU are next.)

"Turds," thought Gomez.

While the police, and government would have me use these powers for good, I’ve decided to employ them on your behalf to fill you in on how the latest Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz movie Knight and Day will come out.

Prepare to be amazed.

Things are very dark, yes, dark times indeed.  The lights!!! They’re all out.  I hear a sound!!! What is it?!?!? Just the THX sound.  Ahhh, no worries,  I’m scared,  it’s so…cold.  I set down my icy cold Coke zero and snuggle deeper into my gray Hoodie that is completely unnecessary in the middle of summer yet I continue to wear because I love it.

Oh my god.

"I know just who'll give males 13-45 a boner..." thought Director James Mangold. "Yea...She'll be perfect!"

I see Cameron Diaz flailing, she’s hurt, no wait, she’s a tough girl and too tough to be hurt by a rogue agent like Tom.  Tom shoots someone, oh wow he saves her but then shoots some more people.  She doesn’t trust him.  “He’s crazy,” she thinks to herself.  But maybe…just maybe she’s crazy enough also to go along with this.  Then, woah, a twist.  She has hard evidence he’s off his rocker.  Or does she???  Tom shoots someone else.  They exchange witty banter.  They laugh.  Cameron loses herself in his eyes for just a moment.  The rest of her life flashes before her eyes!

She sees kids and minivans and a husband who’s stopped taking care of himself, Oh my!!!

But Hun-neeee!!! I can't pick up little L. Ron and Tracy from Daycare, you know Tuesdays are my fantasy baseball night.

Next Cameron thinks to herself. “What if he leaves me?  What if he doesn’t love me and goes and marries,” gasp “a brunette!?!”

Then she ponders a second longer.  “WHAT IF THEY GET MATCHING HAIRCUTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

"Pretty damn hard to see straight, what with all this hair in my right eye..."

"If I block my left eye and my sig-other blocks their right...yes...this just may be the perfect plan. We'll see eye to eye on everything!"

I also see…hmmm, this is interesting…more explosions.  Fish out of water, Cameron doesn’t know how to use a gun.  Yes, Tom…teaches her.  She’s almost killed, he saves her, we’re nearing some kind of conclusion.  It’s murky, it’s so hard to see.  Must…focus…powers……EXPLOSION.  ANOTHER EXPLOSION!!!  BAM!!! BANG!!! RAPID FIRE GUNSHOTS!!! Annnnnnnd they kiss and live happily ever after.

An opposites attract couple destined to be a slightly better version than the Katherine Heigl/Ashton Kutcher version Killers that nobody went to see in the summer of 2010, that will then make the HBO free movie rounds in 2011, and will finally never be seen again after 2020.

Lastly, Tom Cruise will do the talk show circuit…

"It's ok." Oprah thought to herself. It's only Ikea.

…And Cameron Diaz will reprise the role of Princess Fiona in a special Broadway revival.

"Ahhh, now we have an excuse to be fat," William thought. "We're ogres."

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