Free Movie Tickets: Fixing Films Box Office Game

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I’ve decided to run a contest.  I’m giving away a $25 gift card to your local theater. The rules are simple.

  1. Subscribe VIA EMAIL to the blog on the right side of the page.
  2. Then email me at fixingfilms@gmail.com with how much money you think PREDATORS will make domestically.
  3. The closest person wins a 25$ gift card to the movies (I’ll mail you the card once I see what your local theater is.)

That’s it.  Subscribe, email, win.

Predators, comes out July 9th and stars Adrian Brody and Lawrence Fishburne.  I will take submissions until Midnight of July 8th.

"Boy oh boy! I sure hope I win those tickets!" thought Tim as he hunted humans in in the Peruvian jungle.

Email with any questions and Good Luck!  (Note:  This is for the RUN of the movie, not just opening weekend.  Also, current subscribers can play, just email w/o subscribing again.)

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Knight and Day Pt. II: Psychic Powers Confirmed

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If you haven’t seen this movie, I’m about to spoil it.

Reporter: "Tom can you tell me what you think of yourself, but do so without words, rather, like popular film critic Roger Ebert?" ... "So, one thumb up. Got it. Thanks Tom!"

So a few days ago I made a prediction on what Knight and Day would be like.  See that review here.  (Knight and Day Psychic Prediction)

Well I’m here to 1. Tell you all I was absolutely right, 2. Gloat, and 3. Tell you about some exciting new movies in the Knight and Day Franchise!!!

1.  Wow, was I right.  As predicted, witty banter, explosions, gunshots and a twist!  Tom Cruise(Roy Miller) initially wasn’t to be trusted, then what do you know, he earns Cameron Diaz’s trust.  But pump the breaks there Mister one phone call later he’s not to be trusted again as he’s selling the super secret ultra powerful Energizer Battery to some Italian Baddies.  Oh but wait, he a double, triple, maybe even quadruple agent and he’s fooled us all and can be trusted again!  He had Cameron Diaz pretty confused there!

Tom, we had sex in Vanilla Sky!!! Your body makes a PROMISE!!! Next time I see you I'm going to drive us off a bridge again!!!!

Anyway they did end up getting back together after the 7th or 8th double cross and lived happily ever after on the southern tip of South America, Cape Horn now that the main bad guy, Peter Sarsgaard was killed by the Energizer Bunny Battery. (I’m not kidding.)

2.  Gloating.  I told you so.  I told you so.  I told you so.  Three times is enough, when paired with the smuggest look in Hollywood.

Posterboy of Self Satisfaction, George Clooney Displays his Oscar and quickly scans the crowd for naive Hollywood Coeds to de-virginize.

3.  Exciting news in the Knight and Day franchise.  Due to the OVERWHELMING smash success of the first installment.  Fox has already decided to partner with other successful franchises to bring you, the viewer, a bevy of films over the next few years that will make you squeal in agony, delight!!  Let’s take a look at these exciting new projects!

Hook and Ladder?!?! I said POST route!!! Arrrrgggg!!!

Thetans everywhere!!! Arrrrggggg!!!

(Dark Knight Voice) Why is my voice suddenly so raspy and deep in this suit?!?! Nobody can understand me!!! Arrrrgggg!!!

But IIIIIIII want to have the sex scene with Eva Mendes, Joaquin get's all the fun scenes!!! Arrrrggggg!!!

Scissors on my hands? Animation? Helena Bonham Carter in every movie??? I'm not too sure about this Tim Burton character.... (p.s. ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!)

Do you have any other recommendations for future Knight and Day movies???  If so please comment!

If you can’t wait to see Knight and Day IV:  Saturday…Knight…Fever then… Subscribe.

The Psychic Movie Critic: Knight and Day

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As I’m psychic, I’m about to spoil this movie for you…Two days before it comes out!!!  (Correction, it actually came out today!  Whoops.  Oh well, I posted before it opened on the West Coast.  I.e. Still psychic.)

It may look like I'm about to whirl these hands around a crystal ball... Well, here's a prediction: in all seriousness...you're about to get touched...

So I’m not sure if you all know this, but ever since…the accident…I’ve seen things, known things, and felt things, the average human being is not privy too.  A modern day Nostradamus, I’ve predicted the Greek banking crisis, the Lakers NBA tournament victory and yes, even the departure of a one missus Amanda Bynes from the entertainment industry.  (Selena Gomez, YOU are next.)

"Turds," thought Gomez.

While the police, and government would have me use these powers for good, I’ve decided to employ them on your behalf to fill you in on how the latest Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz movie Knight and Day will come out.

Prepare to be amazed.

Things are very dark, yes, dark times indeed.  The lights!!! They’re all out.  I hear a sound!!! What is it?!?!? Just the THX sound.  Ahhh, no worries,  I’m scared,  it’s so…cold.  I set down my icy cold Coke zero and snuggle deeper into my gray Hoodie that is completely unnecessary in the middle of summer yet I continue to wear because I love it.

Oh my god.

"I know just who'll give males 13-45 a boner..." thought Director James Mangold. "Yea...She'll be perfect!"

I see Cameron Diaz flailing, she’s hurt, no wait, she’s a tough girl and too tough to be hurt by a rogue agent like Tom.  Tom shoots someone, oh wow he saves her but then shoots some more people.  She doesn’t trust him.  “He’s crazy,” she thinks to herself.  But maybe…just maybe she’s crazy enough also to go along with this.  Then, woah, a twist.  She has hard evidence he’s off his rocker.  Or does she???  Tom shoots someone else.  They exchange witty banter.  They laugh.  Cameron loses herself in his eyes for just a moment.  The rest of her life flashes before her eyes!

She sees kids and minivans and a husband who’s stopped taking care of himself, Oh my!!!

But Hun-neeee!!! I can't pick up little L. Ron and Tracy from Daycare, you know Tuesdays are my fantasy baseball night.

Next Cameron thinks to herself. “What if he leaves me?  What if he doesn’t love me and goes and marries,” gasp “a brunette!?!”

Then she ponders a second longer.  “WHAT IF THEY GET MATCHING HAIRCUTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

"Pretty damn hard to see straight, what with all this hair in my right eye..."

"If I block my left eye and my sig-other blocks their right...yes...this just may be the perfect plan. We'll see eye to eye on everything!"

I also see…hmmm, this is interesting…more explosions.  Fish out of water, Cameron doesn’t know how to use a gun.  Yes, Tom…teaches her.  She’s almost killed, he saves her, we’re nearing some kind of conclusion.  It’s murky, it’s so hard to see.  Must…focus…powers……EXPLOSION.  ANOTHER EXPLOSION!!!  BAM!!! BANG!!! RAPID FIRE GUNSHOTS!!! Annnnnnnd they kiss and live happily ever after.

An opposites attract couple destined to be a slightly better version than the Katherine Heigl/Ashton Kutcher version Killers that nobody went to see in the summer of 2010, that will then make the HBO free movie rounds in 2011, and will finally never be seen again after 2020.

Lastly, Tom Cruise will do the talk show circuit…

"It's ok." Oprah thought to herself. It's only Ikea.

…And Cameron Diaz will reprise the role of Princess Fiona in a special Broadway revival.

"Ahhh, now we have an excuse to be fat," William thought. "We're ogres."

If you have a gut feeling I’m 100% correct… Subscribe.

Green Hornet Trailer Out

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Look’s pretty sweet.  Granted it could be another Observe and Report…. Check it here.

If you think Seth Rogen looks better sans the lbs… Subscribe.

Prince of Persia: Making it Better

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Keep in mind, if you haven’t seen this movie, I’m about to spoil it.

"You're after the Dagger of Time??? Awww hell naw!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to the world of video games that don’t make fantastic movies.  Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Double Dragon, Mario Brothers, Wing Commander, Doom, Max Payne,  Any Pokemon movie, etc. etc.  While Prince of Persia:  Sands of Time was not the worst movie I’ve ever seen I definitely found some areas for improvement.  Let’s discuss.

  1. Accents.  Let me make this abundantly clear.  This movie is set in Persia. Persia.  Land of the Persians.  Why then do both Princess Tamina and Dastan, The PRINCE of Persia, have UK (English) accents?  Just so you can verify, here’s a teaser/trailer where you can hear for yourself. 
  2. What does Dastan (Gyllenhaal) learn?  Nothing.  At the beginning of the movie he is relatively humble while still brave and loyal.  Through the course of the movie he:  1. stays humble, 2. is very brave, and 3. is loyal to his family.  The only thing that changes perhaps is that he decides to help Princess Tamina while still working to clear his name.
  3. Poisoned robe plot hole.  Tus (Dastan’s) older brother must be pretty stupid to just automatically accept that Dastan poisoned the king when all the time he KNOWS that Nizam (Ben Kingsley) gave the robe to them to present the king with.  Additionally how in the hell does Nizam know that neither Tus or Dastan will touch the robe before they present the king with it???  This is far too easy and doesn’t make much sense.  It would have been much easier if Tus would have given him the robe and Nizam poisons it after Dastan has it but before the King arrives.  It’s believable, it makes sense and you can still point the finger at Tus if you want, so long as Dastan doesn’t touch the robe in any of the onscreen scenes.
  4. Hassansin killers couldn’t kill a cockroach.  Aren’t these guys supposed to be the world’s deadliest trained killers?  Aren’t they supposed to be able to kill you without you even knowing they were there?  Well looks like they didn’t bring their A-game this time around as a small army of them couldn’t take out Princess Tamina and Dastan whilst protected by a mouthy merchant and some of his buddies.  Weak!  P.s. Main assassin guy, the only snake you need to keep hidden in your cloths is of the trouser variety.
  5. "Hurry up and die Jake Gyllenhaal, Professor Snape needs me back on the Quidditch field!"

Anyway, I said this wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen and I definitely enjoyed staring at a dolled up Gemma Arterton for two hours.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel for the PoP franchise.  Despite under-performing at the box office Prince of Persia 2 has already been greenlit and begun filming.  There is a reduced budget however forcing the crew to work with somewhat dated production techniques.  Check out a screen-grab from the dailies below!!!

Jake Gyllenhaal on the set of the Prince of Persia 2 set for release summer 2012.  Check out that six pack!!!

Jake Gyllenhaal on the set of the Prince of Persia 2: The Skeleton King, set for release summer 2012. Check out that six pack!!!

If you love Donnie Darko but sat out the sequel S. DarkoSubscribe.

Amanda Bynes Retires! World asks “Who Cares?”

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The pearly white smile concealed a much darker secret. She's the Man 2....had been canceled.

The Entertainment industry was rocked today when former mildly popular actress Amanda Bynes announced her retirement at the ripe old age of 24.  Fixing Films hit the street to gauge the public’s reaction to this startling development.

Fixing Films:  “Did you hear that Amanda Bynes retired from acting today???”

Fans had this to say.

“Who is Amanda Bynes?” – William Lynch, 27  (Rochester, NY)

“Who is Amanda Bynes?” – Tom Frasier, 40 (Las Vegas, NV)

“Who is Amanda Bynes?” – Lucas Strack, 30 (Dallas, TX)

“OMG!!! CMEO!!! FML!!!” – Jessica Newman, 13 (Chicago, IL)  (Note to reader, we take this to be roughly translated as “Oh my god, crying my eyes out, something my life,” however we could not confirm the statement due to the sudden hysteric nature of Ms. Newman.)

In an effort to get an insiders opinion, Fixing Films asked Hollywood badboy, and Big Fat Liar Co-star Frankie Muniz to comment on this Hollywood shocker.

Frankie’s publicist released this statement.

“I am deeply saddened by the news that my former co-star decided to leave the acting community today.   I’d always held to a deep hope that one day we could re-unite with the blessing of Paul Giamatti for a Big Fat Liar sequel and quite possibly, consensual coitus.  I will miss her deeply and wish her the best with her future obscurity and sadness.”

“P.s. I was in Malcolm in the Middle,”  He added.

"Our acting futures are so bright, we gotta wear shades," said a young Amanda and Frankie on the set of the highly anticipated release of their new movie... (Film Journal, 2001)

If the question you’re asking yourself is:  “When will Hilary Duff follow?”  Subscribe.

Toy Story 3 Review: Couldn’t Be Better

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If you haven’t seen this film there are spoilers below.

"You're only getting 5 Million for this Tim Allen?!?! HA-HA-HA!! I'm Tom F-ing Hanks, You know I'm gettin' paid!"

I have to admit, I never saw the second Toy Story.  I know, I know.  I’m a terrible fan.  Well all of that doesn’t matter as it’s pretty easy to pick up right from the beginning of the 3rd installment in the Toy Story Franchise.  The plot once again centers around Woody, Buzz Lightyear and Andy’s other toys this time faced with the problem of a grown up Andy.  Andy, you see is headed off to college and when faced with the decision of what to do with his toys, he decides to take Woody with him and put all the other toys in the attic.  Andy’s thick skulled mom mistakes the toy sack for garbage and throws it out.  Mom fail.

What ensues is an escape from the garbage man only to have all the toys mistakenly get taken to Sunnyside daycare.  A daycare run by Lots-o-Huggin’ Bear or “Lotso,” voiced by Ned Beatty.  Lotso is, essentially, a Teddy Ruxpin from Hell.  While warm and cuddly on the outside he has a heart of pure evil and basically enslaves the new toys to go work the “catapiller room” (room for super young kids who treat toys like crap) so he and his buddies can hog all the hugs/love to themselves in the butterfly room.

I'll murder you in your sleep! Hugs!!!

As Teddy Ruxpin took a long deep drag on the Marlboro Red he wondered how he ever got mixed up with Lotso Huggin Bear and where his life would be now if he hadn't...

Woody manages to escape before finding out how terrible his friends have it and he starts a journey back to meet with Andy and get his ass to college.  There is an excellent B/C/D story here with Barbie (from Andy’s house) and Ken (Lotso’s effeminate thug.)  I keep imagining Ken as a 8 inch tall Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

"Hey Barbie, I got us reservations.......(dramatic pause).....at Dorsia.

"So what do you do?" asked Barbie. "I'm into, uh, murders and executions mostly." Ken replied. "Do you like it?" She asked. "Well it depends, why?" Ken replied. "Well, most guys I know who are in Mergers and Acquisitions really don't like it." Barbie said gazing deep into Ken's dreamy eyes...

Barbie after a wild night in Ken's dream house...

Anyway, long story short, Woody finds a new home with a small child, Bonnie, but soon discovers he’s left his friends in a War Zone back at Sunnyside.  He rushes back to save them only to discover, BUZZ HAS BEEN REPROGRAMMED BY LOTSO!!! OH NO!!!

My Halloween costume this year. Extra tube socks not shown.

So Woody and the gang devise a plan to escape which goes off without a hitch till they get to the dumpster and Lotso foils it!  They all end up getting thrown in the dumpster and carted away to the dump.   Once at the dump they’re to be shredded and incinerated which leads to the toys saving Lotso from certain death only to have him backstab them moments later when he has the chance to stop the conveyor belt carrying them to the plastic-melting fires of hell.

Long story short they all make it back to Andy’s after this and Woody makes a last play to get the toys donated to Bonnie’s house.  The closing scene where Andy gives his toys (including Woody) to Bonnie and has one last playtime with them was for me a moment of cinema magic.  While they’re just toys, Pixar manages to turn them into more than just that and tug at a heartstring I didn’t know existed.  After taking some Pepcid the Heartstring/Heartburn went away and I got on with my life again but just for a moment…MAGIC.  Bravo Pixar.

Just One Tablet, prevents and relieves heartburn... and feelings!

If you haven’t, go see this movie immediately and pray for the day when movies like “Shorts” don’t exist anymore.

From the director of 'Spy Kids,' 90 raw minutes of eye-gouging terrible: Shorts.

If you think the only Shorts that should exist are the ones that give you swampass, click here.  Subscribe in RSS. Or sign-up for email updates on the side of the screen.

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