2010 in review

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 12,000 times in 2010. That’s about 29 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 39 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 275 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 34mb. That’s about 5 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was November 20th with 235 views. The most popular post that day was Catfish: Big Fat LIES..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, theblacksheeponline.com, google.com, and stumbleupon.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for catfish, ramona flowers, karate kid, despicable me minion, and minion despicable me.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Catfish: Big Fat LIES. October 2010

2

Top 5 Comedy Movies of the 2000’s September 2010
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3

Inception: Wow July 2010
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4

The Karate Kid: Making it Better? June 2010

5

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: Making it Better August 2010
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Catfish: Big Fat LIES.

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That's not your real mouse clicker hovering over this picture Einstein.

 

“Don’t let anyone tell you what it is.”  So sayeth the tagline to Catfish a Docu/Mockumentary starring Yaniv Schulman (or Nev.)  I’m here today to tell you what it is.  One big fat filmmaking fail.

The story revolves around Yaniv Schulman, a 24 year old hipster, complete with nerd glasses, cutoff jorts (jean shorts) and a tramp stamp above his ass.

 

Nev's tramp stamp is very similar to this. Once again I am NOT kidding although Nev prefers red tighty-whities to the much less teste constricting boxers.

 

He is a photographer and when one of his photos makes it into a magazine, an 8 year old girl paints it and starts a facebook friendship with him.  He has regular conversations with the girls mom Angela, and 19 y/o daughter Megan.  The relationship blossoms and he falls for Megan.

SPOILER.  Turns out Megan, Angela and everyone else supporting the story is all the creation of the creepy mom Angela who paints the pictures herself and pretends to be a smoking hot 19 year old.  Ahh the wonders of Facebook!

Yaniv and his filmmaking brother decide to get to the bottom of the story and travel to Michigan to uncover the truth when holes start to pop up in the family’s story.

 

The first of the holes in Angela's story! It's a big un'!!!

 

PROBLEMS.  According to IMDB the filmmakers claim this is a real story.  FALSE.  It is staged and a big ole fat hoax.  If you go to IMDB here you can even see that the film is classified as a “thriller” instead of a documentary.

I’ve been disappointed a few times this year but wowsers this one really pissed me off.  If the story were true I would say the film was “mildly interesting.”  Now knowing that it’s staged I feel the film is “anger inducing ca-ca.”  The only thing that kept me from completely flying off the handle was the fact that Angela had to take care of her husbands two mentally handicapped step children.  That tugs at my heart strings but still makes me Hulkishly angry knowing that the filmmakers took advantage of this to humanize Angela.

 

I Can Has Toof Brush?

 

I would urge NOBODY to see this movie.  I gave it a 1 in my 2010 film rankings bringing it neck and neck with M. Night’s Ultra turd The Last Airbender.

 

THIS is a catfish.

 

 

THIS is a catfish (or part of one...or probably several heavily processed bits of hundreds of catfish.)

 

 

THIS is a catfish. This is also a man with 1/2 a brain but yes, still a catfish.

 

 

THIS is NOT a catfish. This is 3 New York Hipsters out to steal the money in your wallet in exchange for watching them Hip around for 105 minutes.

 

I’ll leave you with a few thoughts.

1.  45 minutes into the movie I looked at my watch.  I thought I’d been there for over an hour.  I knew then that something was amiss…

2.  When the movie got over a middle aged man and his wife got up the INSTANT the credits started rolling.  He tartly told his wife, “LET’S GO.”  Outside the theater I heard him say “It shouldn’t have been called Catfish, it should have been called Suckfish.  It sucked.”  She gently tried to stand up for the movie she’d very obviously dragged her unwilling husband to.  He only replied:  “It sucked.”

3.  These filmmakers have cast their lines, fishing for an audience for a falsely advertised and poorly concepted movie.  A word of caution.  DON’T BITE.

The Social Network: Making it Better

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Myspace needs to...FACE the facts...it's over.

The title to this post is ironic.  When I think about it, I can’t even really remember the first incarnation of Facebook.  Since it’s founding it has continually fine-tuned and sometimes reinvented its look and use to suit it’s users wants, needs and whims.  All I know is that since it’s inception I’ve been a HUGE proponent.

Well,  for the uninitiated there appears to be a darker side to, what I affectionately like to call “The Book.”

Directed by David Fincher with a screenplay by Aaron Sorkin and based on a book by Ben Mezrich titled The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding Of Facebook, A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius, and Betrayal, the movie The Social Network stands out to me as one of the years best films.  With great performances by Jesse Eisenberg as Zuckerberg, Justin Timberlake as Napster co-founder Sean Parker and Andrew Garfield as Eduardo Saverin I highly expect to see this movie on the list of Oscar nominies come next award season.

Could it be better?  Yes.  This is Eisenberg’s breakout role.  This will be a role he’ll be compared to for the rest of his life.  I guess my question is how accurate is his portrayal?  Eisenberg plays Zuckerberg as a driven genius who at the same time appears socially aloof or inept.  Real world Zuckerberg doesn’t appear quite so naive as the Eisenberg version.  Real life Zuckerberg seems so much more charismatic.  I feel like he’s lost a little of the mystique of who he is with the release of this film while gaining status as an icon.  Mark Zuckerberg is Facebook.

These are their http://www.hotornot.com pictures. Who would YOU vote for?

With regards to the movie the pacing is great and while it takes a little while for the drama to build the story is just so damn riveting.

When I say EVERYONE is on Facebook. I mean it.

Overall this movie might be my favorite of the year.  My other two favorites, Inception and Toy Story 3 are hard to compare as they’re in such different genres but as for drama this takes the cake.

Well I've always said "Facebook is pretty sweet." :)

I don’t want to spoil too much of it but it’s excellent (which I predicted HERE on August 8th, 2010 by the way with my Psychic Movie Critic powers.)

The Social Network comes out October 1st in theaters everywhere.

Fixing Films Box Office Game #2 Winner

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When asked what his favorite carbonated beverage was Machete merely replied..."Slice." I didn't have the heart to tell him it was now called Sierra Mist.

Sorry for the delay folks but finally we have a winner.  In this addition of the Fixing Films Box Office Game we’ve guessed opening weekend box office of Machete starring Danny Trejo and my super fav Jessica Alba.

Drumroll Please.

With a weekend gross of $14,102,888 our closest guess was Josh Feldman with is guess of 14 Million dollars!   Fixing Films sat down with Josh to ask him how it felt to truly be, the cat’s pajamas.

Hope you got your tickets to the gun show! Wowsers!

Fixing Films:  Have you ever used a Machete?

Josh:  Briefly, while stationed in Nam. It was my weapon of choice for removing ears from the VC.

Fixing Films:  Where are you going to display your trophy?

Josh:  Above my toilet, right next to my Oscar and ever-growing stack of Juggs Magazines.

Fixing Films:  Have you ever won anything this prestigious?

Josh:  No, but I’ve definitely lost better contests.

Fixing Films:  Are you psychic?

Josh:  Yes…but you knew that already….

Fixing Films:  Where are going to spend your $25 gift card and why?

Josh:  Dinner for one at the Claimjumper.  Their mudpie is a revelation.

Fixing Films:  What’s your favorite movie?

Josh:  FREDDY GOT FINGERED….”What’s that clicking sound?? It’s my HOOOVES, my HOOOOOOOOVES!”

(For those of you that don’t know he’s referring to Zebras in America…see below…)

In his spare time Josh enjoys long walks on the beach with his beautiful fiancé.

Long walk on the beach, CHECK. Next up, Romantic candlelit dinner.

In his spare time Josh is also partner in a prestigious construction firm specializing in schools, daycare facilities and treehouses with his longtime friend Bob.

Just two men...building an empire.

Josh will be taking home a $25 gift certificate, custom gold trophy, and a certificate of Amesomeness.  Congrats again Josh and for the rest of you that didn’t win remember this.  DREAMS DO COME TRUE.  Keep playing and YOU could be next!

If you like prizes and want a chance to play the next game coming in a few weeks then Subscribe along the right side of the page.

Chick Flicks: This Guy’s Picks

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In between manis and pedis at the local spa (kidding) I was thinking about movies that really made me “feel” and while I’m emotionally rocked by Rudy and The Shawshank Redemption I pondered “what are some chick flicks that I actually enjoyed?”  Maybe there is a heart in this big ole cavity I call a chest!  Check it.

The Notebook (2004) – I just wanted to go ahead and get this one out of the way first and foremost.  It’s super girlie but you know what?  I DON”T CARE.  This movie makes me believe in a thing called love and warms my heart and soul.  Backstory:  I’d never seen it but heard it was good.  I saw this in the $5 used bin at Blockbuster back in 2005 and discreetly made my purchase with a shamed face.  I went home and watched it by myself…Want in on a little secret???  I literally cried during this movie.  As a man I’m man enough to admit, I love The Notebook.

Noah turned his head in shame. Allie had smelt it and knew he'd dealt it. "Well," he thought "The damage is done. She can't very well ditch the date in the middle of the lake." He pondered his next move briefly. He turned back to Allie and smiled guiltily as he relaxed his clenched buttcheeks and released another stink bomb on his trapped captive.

Pretty Woman (1990) – Is it just me or does Julia Roberts still pretty much look the same 20 years later?  Ahhhh the miracles of plastic surgery and nerve killing Botox.  While a great film with a great soundtrack I still find it kind of weird that a movie about a prostitute and a millionaire was this successful.  Oh well, I guess everyone deserves a second chance!

"Hope you like mouth herpes," Vivian whispered seductively. "What!?!?" asked Edward "Oh nothing. Now can I have some money for clothes and jewels, and champagne and strawberries, and dope and crack and fresh needles?" Vivian inquired.

Mean Girls (2004) – Pre-coke/alcohol monitoring bracelet/DUI/general problems Lindsay Lohan stars in the Tiny Fey written tale of high school bitchdom.  Hilarity ensues.  Great supporting actress in Rachel McAdams and whoever played Gretchen Wieners.  Lindsay can you forgo Inferno and work with Fey on a Mean Girls followup?  Pleeeeeeaaaassssseeee!?!?

Drunk?!?! No way! Lindsay's just sleepy from reading the pile of movie offers she's got sitting on her desk...

Buh...Buh...Buh...But there's no Twitter in jail!!!

Sleepless in Seattle (1993) – Only mildly creepy and a testament to the “Love know’s no boundaries” mantra.  As always Tom Hanks delivers and Meg Ryan  really digs her feet in as the character she’ll be playing in every single other movie of her entire career.  Ever wonder what happened to the kid’s acting career?  Ross Malinger (Jonah Baldwin) was in an episode of Without a Trace in 2006.  Not sure where he’s been since then.

Tom: "Hey Meg, want to get together and make the exact same movie in five years when the internet catches on?" Meg: "Sounds good Tom, in the meantime I'll be in touch via electronic mail over our blazing fast 14.4K modem connections!"

Shakespeare in Love (1998) – Oscar winner for Best Picture that year Shakespeare in Love proves a story of life, love and loss.  In case you missed it, it’s on tv all the time now so make sure you catch it for nice good cry.

1591: The birth of the "Emo" movement, Sir William Shakespeare experiments with a dangerous combination of poetry and eyeliner.

Never Been Kissed (1999) – This movie has a bunch of positives and one big negative.  Positives:  The word “Rufus” came out of this movie.  David Arquette is enjoyable in this movie.  Hot young Jessica Alba is in this movie.  And, I may be mistaken but I remember a choreographed dance at the prom (I could be wrong.)  Anyway the negative?  Drew Barrymore.  Yuck!

Guy is TOTALLY crunching on you? Do I want to be crunched? By Guy? Ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaa...

At this age she was already drinking and smoking. I'm not kidding.

She’s All That (1999) – Laney Boggs IS all that.  Not sure why but my sister has also had a perpetual crush on Freddie Prinze Jr. since before I can remember.  I’m pretty sure that this movie definitely has a choreographed Prom dance but even better…Freddie Prinze Jr. defends Laney’s younger brother by making the school bully eat his own pubes off a pizza slice with a declaration of…HOOVER IT!  P.s.  Anyone remember Freddie’s CLASSIC Hack….E…..Sack…. interpretive poetry in motion performance piece?

Yes, even in foreign languages she is STILL all that.

The Princess Bride (1987) – The definition of a great chick flick.  I’ve seen this movie probably about 15-20 times and it never gets old.  I mean, c’mon it’s a chick flick and it’s got Andre the Giant in it!  What more could you ask for?  Well how about a young Fred Savage kickin’ ass and takin names as “The Grandson” who loves Nintendo and doesn’t want good ole grandpa to read the kissy parts.  If you’ve ever accused a  6 fingered person of killing Inigo Montoya’s father as a joke and they took it personally you’d understand. The Princess Bride ain’t just meant for the ladies fellas!

Ya'll ready for some MAWWIAGE? How about some WUV? Anyone? TWUE WUV?

When people tell me they've never seen The Princess Bride this is what I think.

Rob:  Please Subscribe to the Blog on the right side of the page.

Reader:  Asssssssssssssss Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Wishhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Top 5 Comedy Movies of the 2000’s

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So I was thinking back on the last decade and some of the movies that really made me smile.  Well, not just smile but rather laugh my ass off.  In no particular order is my list of Top Five Films of the 2000’s:  Napoleon Dynamite, Anchorman, Super Troopers, Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Great, great flicks.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) – Jared Hess’s feature-length directorial debut will stand out for me as an absolute CLASSIC of comedy.  It’s different it’s quirky and should stand out to EVERY aspiring filmmaker as a beacon of hope proving that you don’t need a massive budget to achieve cinema excellence.  FACT:  This movie is one of the most profitable movies of ALL TIME.  Cost/Gross ratio.

If ya liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it... Now I know where Beyonce got her moves!

Glamour shots, by Deb Tip #42: To achieve a look of quiet contemplation suggest to the subject that they're swimming in a sea of tiiiiiiiny sea horses...wait for it...annnnnd...click. The PERFECT photo.

Last but not least made sure to stock up on boondoggle keychains, they're a must have for THIS season's fashion.

Anchorman (2004) – THE top dog of the Will Ferrell comedy reign.  It doesn’t get ANY better than this and I mean that 100%.  This is one of the most quotable movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  If you need a quick refresher here’s a few gems.

Suits so fine, they make Sinatra look like a hobo.

Click the picture to actual buy this. Yes ladies and gentlemen this REALLY exists.

Super Troopers (2001) – Unfortunately Broken Lizard (the comedy team behind ST) hasn’t topped this film since.  Fortunately they are making a sequel.  Will it be as good at the original?  No.  But it will damn sure still beat Club Dread.  This movie is a classic for the most recent generation as Airplane or Animal House is to those decades.  I’ll still enjoy this movie in 20 years and am guessing you will too.

I'm naming my next car this. It will be epic especially when I swing through the drive-through and order a liter of cola and a large Farva.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) – For some strange reason I have an aversion to movies that have titles that are verbs.  I.e.  Waiting for Guffman, Chasing Amy, Raising Arizona, Pushing Tin, etc.  I believe the grammatical term for this is a gerund.  Anywho, I HATE them with this film being one of the few exceptions.  I feel like it really launched the career of Jason Segal as well as Russell Brand and even made for a spin off based on his Aldous Snow character with 2010’s Get Him to the Greek.  Great flick with a steady replay value.

"You said you wanted the naked tenders!?!? What was I supposed to think?!?!"

Yep. He must use Herbal Essences.

Superbad (2007) – Super good.  The big film breakthrough for not one, not two, but THREE of todays biggest comedy stars.  Michael Cera, Jonah Hill and Christopher Mintz-Plasse have good ole Judd Apatow to thank for their bags of money.  This movie makes the high school experience feel real in a way that a movie like Can’t Hardly Wait (while also a fav because of Jennifer Love-Hewitt) fails.  It’s real language and real situations.  Parents, you better believe your kids are acting EXACTLY like this today.

Kinda looks like they all have to poop a little. Like, Chris looks like it's immediately imminent. Jonah looks like he's displeased that it's happened upon him during a photo shoot but he plans to take care of it, and Michael looks like he's shocked like it snuck up on him.

If you don't like this list you're a...

SUBSCRIBE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE PAGE!!!

Box Office Game #2: Machete – Multiple Prizes

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So with all the fun I had with Box Office Game #1 I’ve decided to do another contest.  This time with some tweaks to make Game #2 bigger and better than the first one.

One week from tomorrow Machete starring Danny Trejo, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert DeNiro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal and Don Johnson opens everywhere.

When I compile my list of this year's top 10 films I'm pretty sure this movie will...make the cut.

The rules for this contest are very simple and participation is free.

1.  Subscribe to the blog via email and confirm your email address when WordPress sends you the confirmation email.

2.  Email fixingfilms@gmail.com your guess for how much money Machete will make in it’s opening weekend domestically. 10 Million?  15 Million?  2 Million?  (Guesses stop at 12 midnight on Thursday September 2nd.)

3.  The closest guess wins.

Now you may be asking: “What do I win Rob?  I LOOOOOOVEEE prizes!”

Answer:  TONS OF COOL PRIZES. (3 actually)

1.  $25 Gift Card to store of your choice.  (If I can purchase the gift card online you can have it.)

Your pick, any card, anywhere, to use on ANYTHING.

2.  HARDWARE.  This is the prize I’m most excited about.  Probably because as a kid I enjoyed winning trophies so much.  You will receive a Fixing Films Box Office Champ #1 trophy for first place.

Yes, mullets really do rock.

This is a trophy my friend Jae and I made for a Wrestling video game competition. Yes that's tin foil, colored tape and a wash cloth for a cape. He even has a champion's belt. P.S the trophy's hair is REAL cat hair from Jae's couch!!!

Note:  Your trophy will be real, NOT homemade.

3.  Certificate of Awesomeness.  Nothing says, I’m better than you than a certified certificate from movie blog website.  Proudly display this in your living room, dining room, bedroom or cubicle.  Your friends and co-workers will be so jealous when they see their inadequacy painted out for them in plain English.  Makes a great talking piece and is a great resume builder!

Are you awesome enough to be certified?

Any questions?  Email fixingfilms@gmail.com for answers.  Current subscribers just send an email with your guess.  So, what are you waiting for…SUBSCRIBE!!!

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